After a couple of weeks of touching on sexy topics, we decided to step out of the metaphorical bedroom and look at a SFW subject on Lies, on the evening of 24 November.
It started with a comment someone made, “when did deception become okay?” We explored attitudes, intentions, reasons that people have for lying – here are the notes from that evening.
Cause and Effect
How does one decide to lie? What’s the thought process that goes through our minds before we proceed to withhold truth from someone?
Apparently, majority of us in the group aren’t completely opposed to lying.
The choice to lie depends on what consequences stem from the lie itself. White lies are okay, lying to avoid having to explain yourself (because you see no value in doing that when you’re questioned), lying as a self-serving means is also ok – as long as nobody gets hurt.
The morality of lying is perhaps dependent on this.
Not the whole truth
Lying also doesn’t have to be black and white – we package the truth in our own dimension of understanding based on the recipient of it.
How we paint a picture based on how we want to control the narrative may change as we tell different people accounts of the same event – because some people handle the whole truth better than others, being selectively truthful on facts is reflective of our desire to be sensitive to others.
For the teller of this so-called packaged truth – the whole truth may be different from person to person based on our cultural background, upbringing, life experiences, etc. Therefore, this brings us to the next point of…
I, We and Objective Truth
The degree of objectivity varies. The understanding of something from the self (the ‘I’) versus the ‘we’ (group of people) transforms as more dimensions get added to our understanding of the Objective Truth (or rather, in philosophy terms, Objectivity). Pre-conceived biases, emotions, from our personal history etc make us subjective, therefore the truth as we know is only the dimension that we understand? Only facts proven scientifically like – the earth is round – are objective truths.
Self-deception or lying to yourself
The lack of objectivity also means we don’t actually lie to ourselves, we merely ignore the truth as we understand it, for different reasons.
(i) “Fake it till you make it” – lying to ourselves that success is already within reach to trick ourselves into the winner’s mentality – until we actually become successful.
(ii) Dealing with grief – pretending someone dear to us is still alive temporarily to not deal with their death – almost as if we’re releasing truths in increasing degrees as our hearts heal and get stronger.
Uncomfortable Lies versus Uncomfortable Truth
Which is more difficult for you – when you have to tell a lie against your will, or when you have to tell the truth to someone you’d rather not face? Tell us on Facebook or in the comments below!
Here are some quotes for and against Lies…
“If you tell a big enough lie and tell it frequently enough, it will be believed.”
“I guess sometimes you have to lie to find the truth.”
“History is a set of lies agreed upon.”
“Lies and secrets, Tessa, they are like a cancer in the soul. They eat away what is good and leave only destruction behind.”
“If you do not tell the truth about yourself you cannot tell it about other people.”
“I have a higher and grander standard of principle than George Washington. He could not lie; I can, but I won’t.”