The very first curious dinner was on Feb 2nd. The topic? Open relationships. 15 brave souls came in and defied the conventional norms of conversation. We cut the small talk, bottom-lined what we wanted to say, asked questions deeply personal and intimate, paused technical comments or judgements, shared stories and fears. Here is some of what we learned — each event, we have a sketchpad where anyone can write takeaways.
How do you define open relationships?
open relationships believe that you have boundaries and also that you can test them
open relationship: agreement to have design whatever relationship you both want
we had freedom — whether we chose to exercise it or not
it’s a 2nd level of trust
What’s the essence?
open, monogamous… whatever the label, it’s about trust, playing by the same rules, self-responsibility, honest communication, love <3, and happiness
it’s about knowing what your root values are
don’t take defaults for granted
need to be willing to forgive, when crossing boundaries in the grey zone
constant self-awareness and and communication required
What about the difficult bits?
jealousy = insecurity?
insecurity = fear that you cannot handle heartbreak?
there’s no cheating — there’s only lying
open relationships are REAL relationships (they all require effort)
What are you wondering about now?
who decides what is “right?”
does number of choices (ie open relationships) = happiness?
does trust = transparency?
when children come into the equation, what happens to an open relationship?
what’s different between open relationships and open marriages?
re:trust — do you trust someone to try or do you trust them to succeed?
your life, your rules
playing within the rules
if you’re playing by the rules, its not cheating
What did you takeaway from our takeaways?